Unsuccessful

Last Thursday I graduated from John Jay College of Criminal Justice and received my Bachelors of Science in Criminal Justice after 4 1/2 years of work. There were numerous, never ending nights of burning my eyes out to a low light of a computer screen banging out papers and projects. Hours and hours were spent making flash cards for tests and ingesting thousands of pages of textbooks and novels. Many of my peers constantly complained about school and all the work that was accompanied with it and all seemed to have a sense relief that it was over (Besides the partying). Many were proud and felt accomplished to complete this adventure known as college. But me, I felt NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING. Of course it feels good to finish something and that's what it felt like to me. But this felt like any other normal task I complete in life whether it be cleaning my room or finishing a workout. I did not feel the pressure release from my shoulders, no pride in the work I put in, nor a single feeling of success.

As I was sitting in commencement at Madison Square Garden, and hearing my peers cheer, scream, and whistle in excitement and happiness (rightfully so) I kept wondering why I felt nothing and no sense of accomplishment. It's because I will not feel success until I achieve it with my MUSIC .I will consider myself successful when I'm going onto the MSG stage not to receive a diploma, but a mic, to rock a crowd. The reason I find no accomplishment in graduating college is because college success is already laid out for you and is yours for the taking. When you step into a new class every semester, the teacher will straight out TELL YOU what you need to do to get an A in their course. It is broken down to a T, what exactly is needed to be done to be successful and how to plan accordingly (ie. Syllabus). To me, these things are the simplest fucking things on the planet to not only complete, but to excel in. When the road to success is already paved, all you have to do is walk it and you will reach it. What I mean is, follow the guideline set forth, work hard with focus and you WILL achieve your goal. Many things in life are like that, for example getting in shape, learning trade work or dancing the tango. All these things have infinite amounts of material (usually free) that show you word for word (sometimes with pictures or videos) what is needed to reach these goals. Now being able to achieve a career in MUSIC, there is absolutely no guideline to follow. I can't go Borders and buy Music Careers for Dummies, follow it word for word and expect to be a musician with a viable career. There are ideas, tips and tools that can help me reach this goal, but those things in no way will guarantee me a spot in the biz. I truly believe the hardest things in life to achieve are the things that do not have a concrete blueprint to be successful in.

Getting Summa Cum Laude was honestly one the easiest awards I have ever received because I knew if I focused, did the work and studied I would get it. I believe the real challenges in life are those that have no exact formula to success. From finding a relationship, realizing your true self, and getting addicts to achieve/sustain sobriety; these things require each individual to try their own methods and usually fail multiple times until they find the right way to achieve it. This is the hard work I'm talking about because failure is common with these endeavors, and it is how you are able get the fuck up, reorganize and recalculate your plan of attack in order to get that shit. I WILL NOT consider ANYTHING a success until I make it as a musician, because music, unlike college, has no syllabus for greatness. Go after the real challenges in life that have no handbook because that will prove to yourself anything is achievable.Word!

*As a note, I do not want to take away from anyone graduating college, high school, Pm school, whatever. Many had insurmountable challenges to get there such as being raised by a single or no parents, raised in an abusive household and having little to no income. I was fortunate to be blessed with a loving family that was able to provide and make my experience in college extremely smooth. I worked full-time, exercised daily and dealt with (still am) drug addiction, so don't get it twisted, school wasn't my only priority.

Peace and Love,
El. Capitan Drive de Hyper
R.I.P. Kristian "Randy Savage" DiPiano, Love you Brother

>Gonna leak some new joints soon. I've been busy on the producing tip, so I gotta chill and give something to the fans. Stay Tuned!<